


The Joy of Nescience

by ambiguously



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Chocolate Box Exchange, F/M, Humor, human/non-human - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 15:34:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13367712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ambiguously/pseuds/ambiguously
Summary: Three times Kanan Jarrus did not want to know.





	The Joy of Nescience

**Author's Note:**

  * For [countessofbiscuit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/countessofbiscuit/gifts).



"Caleb, attention."

He blinks his eyes, shaking away the daydream. Master Billaba stands a few feet away, watching him the way she so often does, with a mixture of indulgence and exasperation written on her otherwise calm face. The battle ended quickly, for once, and they are here in a pocket of peace awaiting their next mission. Master Billaba has been briefing her troops. Naturally, Caleb's mind wandered.

"Yes, Master. Sorry."

Big Mouth is closest to him, and ribs him with an elbow. "The kid was daydreaming again, General. That's all."

She fixes him with an expression that suggests she knows where his mind meandered over the last few minutes. Caleb has learned enough control over his body not to let the blush hit his cheeks, but it's a close thing. She asks, "Come with me. We should work on your form."

He nods, knowing no response is better than sticking his foot in his mouth. She leads him off into a more secluded area of their campsite, away from the clones. He can hear the men talking together, chatting like the brothers they are. Two of them laugh as a third finishes the punchline of a dirty joke Caleb isn't supposed to understand. Around the two Jedi, he hears the creak of small insects and the rustle of larger wildlife.

"Ready position," Master Billaba tells him. Her voice is kinder here without the clones. She cares for her men deeply, but as their leader, she must remain aloof. Caleb suspects that in other times, better times, she would rather be their friend. She is not his friend, not yet. Masters and Padawans become friends over time, as she has grown into a great friendship with her own Master. Tonight she is Caleb's teacher, and also the closest thing to a mom he will ever have.

They move through the motions, Caleb matching her as she steps and parries with her lightsaber. The suns have set, and the light of their blades is the brightest thing in this forest glade. Small flying moths are drawn to them. Depa moves her hands gracefully, denying the fluttering creatures the deaths they'd earn.

"You've been daydreaming more often," she says, moving from position four to five without effort.

He thinks before answering. Is she distracting him? Questioning him? "We're idle between battles."

"You could use that time in study."

"Yes."

"Instead, your mind wanders and you think about pretty girls. There was a lovely girl about your age in the marketplace we visited yesterday. Were you thinking about her instead of paying attention?"

Caleb's steps falter for a moment before he matches her next motion. He doesn't reply.

"When you are older, and your apprenticeship is at an end, you will come to a decision. You must choose if you wish to be a Jedi, eschewing all worldly attachments, or if you want to join the rest of the galaxy, live as just another man. We all have faced this choice."

"I'm a Jedi," he says, his lightsaber firmly in hand.

"For now, yes. You can be someone else, someday. You may decide to walk away from this life. For the moment, I need you here. I need you to be focused. Our lives depend on seeing what is in front of us, not dwelling on what could be."

"Yes, Master."

She guides him through their steps twice more until he's moving slightly ahead of her. "That's enough for tonight." She douses her blade, and he does the same. The darkness rushes in, and the noises of the creatures around them: tiny voices in the night calling out for mates.

Depa says, "Don't think I am angry with you, or reprimanding you. It is not a failing to daydream about pretty girls. I do so frequently. But you must pay heed to the time and place."

With that, she walks away, heading back towards the campsite. Caleb follows her in the gloom, and he will not let himself wonder about the pretty girls who cross her mind.

* * *

It is the third mission in as many weeks that Kanan's been assigned to work with Rex. They've made their peace since they rescued Sato and Ezra from that Interdictor. That doesn't mean they're friends. Okay, they're friends, but not close friends. Anyway, this mission assignment nonsense is probably Hera's doing because she thinks it's funny to watch him twitch.

"You ready?" asks the old clone. The clones have all aged far past the nightmares he doesn't have as often as he used to. If Rex is his age, then his face carries about double Kanan's years, and while that has still brought on some bad memories, it's not as bad as it could be.

"More ready than you are." He jumps out from their hiding place, lightsaber lit and ready for action. A second later, Rex is beside him with a blaster. The stormtroopers don't have a chance. Kanan feels a little bad for them, but not much. The clones might have been conscripted from their conception, but the stormtroopers are all volunteers.

"This way," Rex says, charging ahead. Kanan is forced to follow, an unJedilike annoyance growing inside him. He is almost positive he's in charge of this mission.

That leads him down a different path of thought. He already fought in one military. No matter how much his best friend of these past seven years says this is a good idea, he's still not sold on the idea of the Rebellion, or its faux-military trappings. They keep trying to put him in charge. Rex called him 'General' twice on their previous missions, and if Kanan took nothing else from Depa's lessons, the one about the Jedi not being fit for command rings in his ears every day.

He ought to let Rex lead this one. Kanan's always been happiest as a loyal lieutenant carrying out his boss's orders, be that Depa or Kasmir or Hera.

That sends him down yet another thought. At some point very soon, they need to come clean to the rest of their little crew about the misdirection the two of them had concocted back when Zeb joined about Kanan being the leader of their team. He's positive Sabine figured out the truth from day one, and Chopper never bothered pretending, but Zeb and Ezra will only get more upset the longer they leave things unsaid.

"Hey," Rex says. "Are you here?" Kanan is beside him, but his mind was a million miles away, and Rex's face says he can tell.

"Right here, pal," Kanan says. "Where's the target?"

Rex points. "We had a mission like this back in the day. Do not ask how General Skywalker reacted."

"Okay, I won't." Kanan sees the target, and with the fastest of perimeter checks, he goes for it, lightsaber slicing neatly through the communications relay. That's one less sector the Empire can monitor for the next rotation, enough time for them to get precious supplies through.

"Behind you!" Rex shouts, blaster already firing. The stormtroopers' buddies have arrived. Rex has a grin on his face, and Kanan knows without asking he's reliving his glory days.

Rex tells him anyway. "This reminds me of the good old days."

"Of course it does."

"We were pinned down under heavy fire. I was sure we were done with. Then General Skywalker tossed Ahsoka with the Force right into the middle of the battle droids. She took them out with one swipe."

Kanan looks at him. Rex looks back.

"Ready?" Kanan asks.

Rex nods, too excited or scared to reply. Kanan summons up a core of energy, and he reaches out with his powers to lift the clone into the air. Rex gives a cry of triumph as Kanan tosses him in the midst of their enemies. Then he has the presence of mind to duck as Rex spits blaster fire in a circle around himself.

When Kanan hears the blasting stop, he pops up. Rex stands alone in a circle of dead and stunned stormtroopers.

Rex grins. Kanan grins back, unable to help himself.

"Now, when General Skywalker did that," Rex began, and Kanan waved him off.

"I don't want to know. Can you admit this was cool?"

"This was cool," Rex says amiably. "Let's go home."

* * *

They're going to be leaving soon, maybe tomorrow. Kanan's sore in his muscles from fighting those spider things, and he's sore in his soul because Sabine is right. He's taking Ezra and going off with Ahsoka, and they might never come back, no matter how many assurances he's tried to make himself believe enough to give the rest of them the same hope. Hera doesn't believe him when he says they'll be fine. Ezra wants to believe him. Zeb wants to pretend none of this is happening.

Malachor is a name that echoes into his bones.

Worried but not scared because fear is a path to a place he can't come back from, his feet lead him towards Ahsoka's ship. She'll leave it here while they travel in the _Phantom_. Every piece of home he can take with him will help remind him he swore to come back no matter what.

"Hey," he says as he boards, but she's nowhere in sight. Kanan sits in the copilot's chair, nonplussed not to find her where he expected. Ahsoka has far more training than he ever got, and whatever travels her life has taken her on since she left the Order have also given her a well of calm he can see but has never known. She's a friend and a comfort who will tell him this is the correct path. They are headed towards great purpose. He is not abandoning the people he loves for a fool's errand.

His greatest worry revolves around what will become of the others with the three of them out of range. What if the Empire locates their base? What if they're sent on a dangerous mission? What if, in a tight clinch where a lightsaber and the Force could make the difference, Kanan isn't there, and neither is Ezra? What if they come home to a graveyard?

He makes his way towards the crew quarters. Maybe Ahsoka is meditating in anticipation of their journey. Goodness knows the _Phantom_ doesn't offer anything in the way of privacy, not for quiet contemplation, not even for sleep.

He hears them before he comes too close. The door to her quarters is open. She isn't expecting company. At least, she is not expecting more company.

"I missed you," Rex says.

"I know. I'm sorry I was away for so long. I had to find information."

"Which you're not going to tell me."

"Not yet. When we get back, I will. I promise."

Kanan knows damn well he shouldn't be hearing this. He's not a fan of others listening in on his own private conversations, much less the kind of conversation this is turning into. The kiss is loud in the small ship, and the soft moan in Rex's throat speaks of a desperation Kanan has known too well and doesn't want to hear in Rex's voice. He's even less pleased with Ahsoka's answering sigh.

"Need you," she says, and Kanan needs to find the door now. He's forgotten where the door to this ship is. Please let it not be through the crew quarters, for the love of all the Force holds dear. Worse, so much worse, the quiet bond he shares with other Force sensitives nudges at his senses now. He can feel the clone's hands cling to her bare shoulders. He can feel the brushing tickle of Rex's beard as his mouth draws a wet line up one sensitive lek before crushing hungrily against her lips.

Kanan's eyes focus on the hatch, which is away from the cabin where he is positive the two of them are getting naked right now. He can't get out of there fast enough. His mouth is tingling with a kiss he didn't want from either one.

He almost knocks over Ezra as he hurries away from the ship. "Oh, hey Kanan. I just had the weirdest feeling through the Force. I'm not sure how to describe it." He looks thoughtful. He also looks a little embarrassed.

Kanan deliberately does not look back at Ahsoka's ship. He gets a clear mental image of Rex dropping to his knees in front of her, before Kanan closes down his own shields hard. He will be lucky if he can look Ahsoka in the eye tomorrow when they leave.

"Trust me, kid. You don't want to know."

end


End file.
